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Movies Come In Threes: My 2007 Summer Movie Preview

Summer is fast approaching as the last couple days have been in the 70s even here in Minnesota. No doubt, as there is every summer, there will be lots of fluff to keep us entertained, not the least of which is the end of the movie hat trick. With new episodes of Pirate of the Carribean, Shrek, and Spider-Man, Hollywood hopes to bring everybody (and their friends) back for another million or so. Plus, I'll outline the others not to miss this summer. Here's my thoughts on this summer's movies.

Big Movie, Volume Three

Yes, this is your five big chances to see if Hollywood will fail on the sequel game yet again.

  • Spider-Man 3 [5/4]
    To be honest, I don't care at all about Spider-Man. I can't stand Tobey Maguire. And I'm not a fan of romance movies. Sure, they're be lots of action, but what good is action if the story isn't entertaining?
  • Shrek the Third [5/18]
    The green ogre and his friends have always been a bit of an annoyance to me. Making fun of fairy tales is kinda funny, but a handful of inappropriate jokes from Eddie Murphy doesn't make a good family film as DreamWorks Animation thinks it does. But, hey, you'll probably go with all the over-hype anyways.
  • Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End [5/25]
    The last Pirates movie was, like the first, a film with tons and tons of crazy special effects. The previews for this one look even bigger and more outrageous than the last. I'm not sure why they have to bring back every single character that died in the first two, so the story probably won't be any good. But there's no doubt that the special effects will be stunning and Johhny Depp will be as zany as ever.
  • Ocean's 13 [6/8]
    The first one was one of the best caper movies I've ever seen. The second one can only be described as "beautiful people in beautiful places doing nothing." Of course, the jury's still out on this one, as Al Pachino plays another Vegas casino owner that they decide to give a run for his money. It will probably just be an excuse for Brad Pitt and George Clooney to hang out with his friends, but it just might work. I highly doubt it.
  • The Bourne Ultimatum [8/3]
    Some of the most thrilling action movies of the near past have starred Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. Don't let the August release date fool you - this will most likely be the best action movie of the summer as Bourne gets chased around the world to unravel the secrets of the CIA.
Not To Miss

Well, at least, I'm not missing them!

  • Evan Almighty [6/22]
    Steve Carell's first big break in movies was as the annoying nemesis of the newsroom in Bruce Almighty. In the sequel of the hilarious Jim Carrey movie we find that Carrell's character, Evan, has moved from the newsroom to politics, but God (Morgan Freeman) has a different idea. For some reason, God has decided to flood the earth again and wants Evan to build an ark. From the previews, there's no doubt that hilarity ensues and, like the last film, it will be a fun film that does not get too sacrilegious.
  • Ratatouille [6/29]
    Brad Bird honed writer/director capabilities on The Iron Giant and hit it out of the park with The Incredibles, and now he's set to do it again. For some reason, a sewer rat in Paris has found he has a craving for gourmet food and manages to get in many tough situations while trying to get food from one of France's finest restaurants. For me, Pixar films are the gold standard in all of movies, and there's no doubt in my mind that this will be able to match, if not surpass it.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix [7/13]
    Of course, the whole cast of characters is back for this, the fifth book in J.K. Rowling's seven-part series. With the seventh book in stores three weeks earlier, Harry Potter buzz will be at an all-time high. But how will the moviemakers condense 896 pages of the epic battle against Voldemort into a three-hour (or less) film? I don't know, but you can be sure I'll be there to find out. After seeing the previews, I can't wait to see the extended amount of scenes that happen within the familiar muggle world.
The Maybes (Only Time Will Tell)

These ones might get me out to the cineplex, depending on my gut instinct and the reviews.

  • Hot Fuzz [4/20]
    Not everyone is familiar with Shaun of the Dead, probably one of the most hilarious films that came out in the last five years. I describe that movie as "a British romantic comedy that takes place while zombies are attacking." Well, the writing duo of director Edgar Wright and lead actor Simon Pegg are back with another feature film. In this one, Simon Pegg and his friend Nick Frost are London policemen who get transferred to a small town. The previews boast that it's "From the guys who watched every action movie ever made," and show that it should be even more hilarious that their original comedy.
  • Transformers [7/6]
    Director Michael Bay has made his career on the Bad Boys films and Pearl Harbor, which many consider to be mindless action movies only slightly better than John Woo films. Therefore, I think many fans have reason to be worried about their beloved 80s cartoon friends, even though the special effects will look good. It's hard to find much information on this movie, so we'll have to see what happens when it hits theaters.
  • The Simpsons Movie [7/27]
    Again a movie with very little information, this could be a hit or a dud. The producers of the hit TV show have made entertaining 24-minute episodes for years, but will they able to sustain it for 90 minutes? I definitely do applaud the previews that make fun of today's over-hype of 3-D films, but only time will tell if it's worth a trip to the local movie theater.
  • Rush Hour 3 [8/10]
    Brett Ratner has never made a good movie besides the first two Rush Hour films, so he's back yet again. All we really know is that it looks like Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are visiting Paris, so we'll see what happens from there. I always love a well-choreographed Jackie Chan movie, so I hope this one delivers yet again. (What, no official website yet? I guess this movie's going the "no promotion" route because I didn't even know about it until today.)
So there you have it. My cynicism at it's best. Good thing I'm not on Time Warner cable or they'd shut down my account.